Beauty in the Mess
"It's easy to want others to see us as put-together women. But God is far less concerned with the show we put on and far more concerned with what is happening in our hearts."
The first time I entered the home of my daughter's friend, I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed. The mother, who had just returned from running errands around town, wore pressed pants and a crisp button-down top.
On the other hand, I looked like I had just crawled out of a cave.
I’d just finished a hike in the woods. But to be real with you, even if I’d been out running errands, I still would have worn the same cut-off sweatpants, running sneakers, and long-sleeve athletic top. Add to that my messy, windblown wisps of hair escaping my hair tie and the essence of dirt hanging around me—I looked like I’d just been swept in by the Dust Bowl!
Standing in the doorway of that gorgeous house that far exceeded my family’s financial means, I looked down to see my sweet daughters with new eyes. My middle child had a huge brown patch of dirt on her shirt. Her hair was in a ratty ponytail that looked as if she hadn’t brushed it for days. My youngest sported dirt-caked jeans, filthy hands, smudged glasses, and dirt around her mouth—around her mouth! (How does that even happen?)
I chatted with the mother as if we were both part of the same pristine world, but I cringed inside about how insanely messy and not put together my little family was. To add insult to injury, I thought about a time earlier in the week, when the father from this same family had picked his daughter up from our home. He had walked in immediately after our church plant’s pre-launch party, where we’d opened dozens of boxes of equipment that had arrived. Picture about forty empty cardboard boxes and their packing materials scattered throughout the main living area of my home. Everything a church could need sat in piles and stacks around my house. I remember being mildly embarrassed at the time, but I’d also patted myself on the back for not letting it bother me too much. I thought I had come so far in learning to give myself grace and live transparently. But upon stepping into their home with our earth-covered shoes and ratty ponytails, all thoughts of letting go of perfectionism went up in a cloud of dust—literally (think Pigpen from the comic strip Peanuts).
Before entering that beautiful home, I had a completely different perception of myself and my girls. I saw myself as providing a fun, healthy, and carefree day for my kids. Watching my daughters as they climbed rocks and trees, walked with arms draped across each other’s shoulders, and gave piggyback rides to my neighbor’s kids was to me a picture of perfection. During our afternoon of sunshine and laughter, I didn’t even notice smudged glasses or dirt-stained shirts. But once I stepped into that put-together world without a trace of dust, my ego rose up and altered my perspective.
Later, as I recounted the experience to a friend, I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically. What else was there to do? In reality, this is me and this is my world. My home is disassembled and put back together again every couple of days as we use it as a staging ground for a church where the messiest of people are welcome. My schedule doesn’t leave a lot of room for both quality time with the kids and a visit to the nail salon, so I try to choose what’s most important.
Trust me, I know it’s easy to want others to see us as put-together women. But God is far less concerned with the show we put on and far more concerned with what is happening in our hearts. In general, we women put a lot of time and energy into controlling other’s perceptions of us—which wears us out in the process. But again, God is far more concerned with the condition of our hearts.
First Samuel 16:7 says, “But the LO R D said to Samuel, ‘Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LO R D doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart’.” (NLT).
God looks at us the way I looked at my daughters before I stepped into that perfect home. He isn’t repulsed by our disorganization or our imperfections, nor is He impressed by the image we strive to present to the world. He looks deeper within. He knows His daughters and He sees our beauty in the mess. Never does He ask us to wear ourselves out and work harder to become perfect. Instead, He calls us to surrender. And as we do, He provides the cleansing and righteousness through His Son.
Our God is willing to do the hard work for us. All He asks is that we lay ourselves bare and transparent before Him and accept His healing love. So bring your windblown hair and dirt-stained shirts (or faces), and rest in the presence of the One who knows you and loves you. Try to view things as He views them, and find beauty in the mess. And while you’re at it, don’t forget to invite over the mother who looks like she stepped out of Vogue or Good Housekeeping, because she could probably use a little love and acceptance too.
-Rebecca Burtram, Charlottesville, Virginia
This is an excerpt from Sweet Tea for the Soul: Comforting, Real-Life Stories for Moms.
